Contemplating

So earlier I was sitting in the bath crying Since the recent passing of two loved ones a small part of me is still dying And normally at a time like this I'd want to stop trying To give up and bury deep in substances my head And to think maybe the world as a whole would be better off with me dead But the world is different now I need to focus on my daughter instead Give her my focus and devotion Just her smile feels man with such emotion With my troubled heart just her presence feels like on my burns a soothing lotion But I'm torn between happiness and sadness and pain Like it should be sunny but it's struggling to rain Like I've been good but I'm still getting the cane Or if you remember them six of the best When you're parents thought you was trying to put them to the test Sorry for that pop I love you and hope you're at rest From this world that can be so quick too inflict suffering and hurt And I know from experience and our similarities that it must of been hard not to always go berserk But some of the instances with me dad you was simply being a jerk But I love you with all my heart I just wish the way it was as we both matured and aged it could of been from the start So typical of life to find a perfect balance so near to now being apart And I feel the same about making you proud Like the birth of your grandchild was the first thing about me you could shout out loud Like all through life making u happy was a pointless field I plowed Like I was never good enough But then I know it was ingrained in you to give tough love To teach that life gives out naked lickings hardly ever softened by a glove Cos we all know the pain of life can be raw Like you a flyweight and a super heavyweight just sparked you in the jaw And being life you've got to get up and maybe take more To that point you reeling Got to the point where you've started to lose all feeling Sometimes stuck in that rut no matter how much you wanna reach for that ceiling Cos being down and depressed ain't a joke Like a castle happiness is just there but it's surrounded by a moat And those who don't understand think you just like to mope That we do this by choice That we need to firm up and stop being so moist But sometimes our unhappiness doesn't even have a voice And even we don't know the reason Yet often made to feel like when shit is good but we still unhappy it's some kind of treason Like we should believe in god but we happy being heathen